Who You Worship, Whom You Marry: The Two Choices That Shape Everything

This isn’t a soft, feel-good post. It’s weighty on purpose. Some lines may sting. Receive them with a tempered heart and test everything by Scripture.

1) The first decision: Who you worship

The most important decision any woman (any person) will ever make is which God to follow. That single choice shapes everything—your friends, your habits, how you handle stress and loss, what you call “joy,” how you raise children, your worldview, and ultimately whom you marry.

Choosing Jesus as the only way to salvation is the best and most important decision you’ll ever make.

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” — Matthew 6:33

2) The second decision: Whom you marry

For many women who are free to choose, the second most important decision is a husband. (In places where marriages are arranged, the second most important decision becomes how to faithfully live out your walk with Christ within that marriage.)

Let’s be honest: spouse selection is a lifestyle dictator. Whom you marry will influence where you live, how you raise kids, which schools they attend, how your family spends time, and the moral compass of your home. Technology knows this—hence the massive industry of dating apps and services.

Because the stakes are high, “husband shopping” can drift into a checklist: eye color, height, income, family culture, expectations. But underneath those preferences is a deeper issue: lordship. Who or what leads his life?

The temptation to settle (and why it’s so common)

Long seasons of singleness can hurt. If that ache isn’t met with healthy community and purpose, it can slide into romantic hopelessness—the quiet belief that God can’t or won’t provide, or that He needs a little “help.”

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick,but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.” — Proverbs 13:12

When we grab control back from God, our odds of walking righteously (and wisely) drop. Jesus warned against that backward glance:

“Anyone who puts a hand to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God.” — Luke 9:62 NLT

God is not stingy:

“My God will supply all your needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 4:19“We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” — Romans 8:28

What to look for (non-negotiables)

Marry a man who loves God and aims to please God. Only a man pursuing Jesus can love a wife faithfully and patiently.

Look for evidence, not slogans:

• Lordship: He submits his desires to Scripture when it costs him.

• Repentance: He owns sin quickly and changes course.

• Service & humility: He lifts others, doesn’t need the spotlight.

• Teachability & accountability: He’s known by godly men who can tell him “no.”

• Trajectory: Not perfection, but steady growth toward Christlikeness.

“For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her.” — Ephesians 5:25“For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church.” — Ephesians 5:23

Leadership in Scripture is sacrificial, not domineering. A wife is called to follow a man who is himself following Christ. That’s why the choice matters so much.

Important note on safety: Abuse is evil, full stop. Headship is never a license to harm. If you are unsafe, seek help immediately from trusted leaders and local resources.

Red flags worth heeding

• “Christian” label, no fruit (chronic compromise, secrecy).

• Unwilling to be corrected by Scripture or community.

• Contempt for church, authority, or your calling.

• Isolation tactics (pulling you away from godly friends).

• A pattern of excuses instead of repentance.

“The fool says in his heart, ‘There is no God.’” — Psalm 14:1Better to tame passion than to marry a fool (see 1 Corinthians 7:9).

If you’re waiting (or in an arranged marriage)

While waiting:

• Plant deep in a local church; serve and be known.

• Build strong female friendships and multi-generational mentorship.

• Clarify your calling and run hard after it. God loves introducing runners to runners.

• Guard your heart and habits; align your life with the future you’re praying for.

If marriage was arranged:

• Live out a radiant, uncompromising faithfulness.

• Pray for your spouse, honor God in your words and actions, and seek wise pastoral counsel when needed.

• Trust that God works within every context to shape Christlikeness and bring good.

The bottom line

You don’t need to manipulate outcomes. You need to seek the Kingdom. God knows how to write your story better than you do, and He’s not late.

“Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.They will soar high on wings like eagles.They will run and not grow weary.They will walk and not faint.” — Isaiah 40:31

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Love you—and God bless! — LJG